My Plea

Dear Lord, I come before You,

Indebted in Your grace.

I cannot see myself as good

Can't look up to your face.

My heart o'reflows with blackness

My mind it, it plots vain things.

My hands and feet move me to sin

And so much pain it brings.

I long to stop, but weakness

Prevents me, I can't go.

I loathe my heart but I can't stop

the darts come blow by blow.

O Lord, on me have mercy.

I long to do thy will. 

I long to love, obey your law,

And bid my heart, be still.

Ten thousand times, I fail you.

Ten thousand times, I see

My need for you is so much more

Than my heart's need for glee.

Please draw me closer to you.

And hold my hands real tight.

Please keep my heart from falling fast

And let me do what's right.

Weak Heart

As my understanding of God's Word deepens, so does my view of self worsen. And I know more than ever that in this world of death and sin, I can NEVER follow God in perfect obedience. It makes me picture myself as a frail girl, striving to fight with weak efforts. It reminds me of a verse in John Newton's hymn, which I so tearfully sing

"Weak is the effort of my heart and cold my warmest thought."

No matter how hard I try to be a good Christian, I can never be a perfect Christian. But this is where God's love overwhelms me. No matter how weak I am, He still holds on to me. He sees my weak and frail heart. And  He rebukes me lovingly when I'm wrong; confirms me encouragingly when I'm right, and patiently teaches me when I'm ignorant. He is always reminding me of His mercy and forgiveness, as He warns me of His power and justice. I sin with my heart and mind every day. Satan often bombards me with ungodly thoughts, complaints, and so many foolish  desires. God is the only one who sees it. But he readily forgives when I confess to Him.
This is my happy thought for this day. This will be my motivation for life. I am happy...because although I'm imperfect, God loves me perfectly.

Bad News and a Merry Little Bird

"When it rains, it pours." -- you've probably heard that cliche a thousand times before. But today, I felt that is is very true. When something bad happens, they all happen at the same time.


This morning, we received two phone calls from two different relatives. One was my dad's fifty-something-year-old sister. She called us up to report that she had just been in a bad auto accident, and that the whole front of her car was wrecked. "It was my fault," she said, "I was absent-minded." My dad had barely said goodbye when the phone rang again--this time it was a call from my mom's older sister. She too, was the bearer of bad news. She told us why our OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) cousin had stopped communicating with us. Sadly, she informed us that our cousin was having an affair with a nurse in Saudi Arabia, and that he was leaving his wife and son in the Philippines for good. My mom sighed as she hung up. Ouch. 


Bad news for breakfast. What a morning to wake up to! In addition, those two main courses had bitter toppings. I called my sister, only to find out she had a flu. Then my dad talked to me about a tight budget and a problem with the check at the bank. I was pondering on the stressful situation while on my way to work, when suddenly, the tricycle I was riding came to a dead halt. "You have to transfer," the driver said to me with an apologetic smile, "We've run out of gas." 
I honestly tried to smile back but ended up saying "AYAYAY!" instead. That made me ten minutes late for work.


It would have been a depressing day for me, had I not seen a wonderful reminder. I was browsing through the internet during my free time, when I saw a sermon by C.H. Spurgeon, which talked about the mind's contribution to anxiety. He quoted a verse saying "Neither be ye of doubtful mind." (Luke 12:29) 


He went on to explain that:


 "happiness lies more in the mind than it does in the circumstances in which any individual is found, and the man within has far more to do with his own joy or sorrow than anything outside of him has".


We can never completely change the circumstances around us, but we can change how we think and feel about what is happening. Our happiness does not depend on what happens to us, but on how we perceive these things.


He also said: 


"It matters little what is outside you, if all is right within. Have that little bird in your bosom that sings sweetly of the love of God; wear the flower called heart's-ease in your button-hole; and you may go merrily through a perfect wilderness of trouble and a desert of care. A hurricane of afflictions may beat about you, yet you shall be a blessed man, for all the elements of blessedness are within your own heart. God has given them to you, and the devil himself cannot take them away."


I love how God uses these wonderful quotes to remind me of His goodness. Bad things happen all the time. We hear of bad tidings every where we go. It's normal to be sad, but not good to wallow in sorrow. I want that "merry little bird" Spurgeon speaks of. I want it to sing to me of God's love and goodness.


Even as I wrote this text, the computer crashed and I had to rewrite the whole thing. Bummer. Hehe...but well...I'll just let that merry little bird sing sweetly. Life is going to be beautiful. 

"Not this Man, but Barabbas!"

"Then they cired again saying, "Not this Man [Jesus], but Barabbas!" John 18:40

When we, who know the truth of who Jesus and what He has done on the cross, feel utmost disgust at the very thought of the Jews crying out to free Barabbas and imprision Jesus. As a child, my proud little heart was filled with fury at these people who despised the Savior and chose to do good to a robber instead. I often imagined myself travelling through time to knock some sense into their stubborn little heads. That was the proud me, speaking. Now, with a humble heart, I realize that many times in our lives, we too, have chosen Barabbas instead of Jesus. No,we don't release a robber to imprision a Savior. But we did choose something or someone else other than Jesus. Countless times! Every time we chose to sin rather than to obey! It was as if we were also screaming "Not this Man, but Barabbas!" When we chose to befriend the world and to fear their rejection, at the cost of the cross, our hearts would shout "Not this Man, but Barabbas!" When we choose to cheat, and lie, deliberately indulge in sins, both secret and open, we cry out, "Not this Man, but Barabbas!"
And those cries and deeds and sins have nailed our Savior to the cross. Should this not fill our hearts with sorrow and remorse? That we have often chosen Barabbas instead of Christ? But it should also fill our redeemed hearts with love and thankfulness for the Lord's sacrifice and forgivness. It should make us loathe sin--not just the great and awful ones, but each tiny little disobedience.
Let us therefore, watch and pray, lest we cry again "Not this Man, but Barabbas!"

He will preserve His saints...

Preserve (v) - 1) to keep safe from injury, harm, or destruction (PROTECT) 2) To keep alive, intact, of free from decay: (MAINTAIN)

"He preserves the soul of His saints; He delivers them out of the hand of the wicked.:" Psalm 97:10b

A Christian's life contains many trials and temptations. We need them for our growth. In the course of these trials, however, we often find ourselves in a valley -- a dark alley which seems to be the lowest portion of our lives; a spiritual valley where agents of the dark lie in wait to beat up our souls. Sometimes, victory comes quickly and the Christian rises with triumph. Yet there are times when we feel a painful struggle. Temptations overlap, trials make us sore. They come, blow after blow, until we fall to our knees. Our hope begins to wane, and sometimes we feel faint and stop fighting. The sword is still in our hand, but our souls are too weary and tired to continue. We drop to our knees, nearly ready to give up the fight. But God keeps his promise. He will PRESERVE the soul of his ailing saints. We can NEVER say we are hopeless. At the darkest, and seemingly most hopeless time of our life, we must remember that God will preserve our souls. Either by giving us more grace to match our trials, or by sending providence to deliver us out of the dreadful situation. He will not stop preserving us. He will never let us fall to hopeless abandonment. Even when, in our foolishness we fall, He will help us up again. The process may be painful, but He will keep His promise. He will preserve the saints. What a joy!

God's Mercy and Man's Foolishness

2 Kings 13:4 & 6 " So Jehoahaz pleaded with the LORD, and the LORD listened to him; for He saw the oppression of Israel: because the king of Syria oppressed them... Nevertheless, they did not depart from the sins of the house of Jeroboam who made Israel sin, but walked in them."

Such a clear demonstration of God's mercy! Such a clear demonstration of man's foolishness! We, in our disobedience and rebellion, are still spared and delivered from oppression, because God, in His mercy, listens to our prayer for deliverance. Yet, look! They continued in sin--something we also often do. May God spare us from this outright rebellion.

The Sinner's Desire

To sin no more! To sin no more!

That's what my heart desires.

Yet still I trod along this path

Of thorns, and stones, and briers.

To war no more! To war no more!

This battle dark and dreary.

Yet still my hand doth clutch a sword

Even though my soul is weary.

To die no more! To die no more!

But have a life eternal.

Be freed from sins and deathly traps,

And all to me that's lethal.

What a Comfort!

The imperfections of life made me blue other day. It seemed there was so much to do and accomplish, yet so little time and courage and will to accomplish them. I was so focused on these imperfections, that I began to forget the promises of a perfect God. This perfect God, however, was quick to remind me. I opened my Bible to read a Psalm, and here is what caught my eye: "He will ever be mindful of His covenant." (Psalm 111:5b)


"Though God's people have their infirmities, and are often unmindful of His commands, yet He will ever be mindful of His covenant." - Matthew Henry


No matter how often I fail to obey, no matter how quickly I forget God's commands, HE DOESN'T FORGET. He is ever mindful of His covenant. In my weakness, I often doubt His promises, yet He is every mindful of it.
This should give us reason to rejoice in Him an His Son.

A Hundred Blows

"A rebuke goes deeper into one who has understanding 

         Than a hundred blows into a fool. " - Prov. 17:10

This verse was recited by my very wise father and pastor during one of those one-on-one daughter-father counseling. I was going through something I had gone through before. And it discouraged me greatly that I had not learned my lesson the first time. I had been rebuked once...and I had failed to listen. I got hurt, and clearly saw the foolishness in my actions. Unfortunately, I failed to be "one who has understanding", and instead became a fool. Something very, very similar happened again....and again I got into trouble. What a mercy that my Father still opted to deliver me from these hideous mistakes! And what a mercy that He does not give up on me! Yes, perhaps I was not as wise as I should have been... but a blow on a fool....is still for the good of the fool. God still has mercy and he does not give up on teaching me. I pray He would give me grace and make me wise. But I do not resent the blows He gives to teach me in my foolishness. God is good all the time. :)

Not So Random

"Now a certain man drew a bow at random, and struck the king of Israel between the joints of his armor...so the king died...and the dogs licked up his blood...according to the word of the LORD which he had spoken." - 1 Kings 22:34-38


The happenings and actions which seem "random" to us may be used by the sovereign God to fulfill his plan and purpose. There was no reason for this soldier to shoot an arrow at random. He unknowingly killed the king o Israel to accomplish the will of the LORD. There are no random happenings with God. All things have a purpose.

Daily Battle

Every day is a battle

A raging war against sin, 

I often fear the wounds,

Such conflict within!

Has not my Father promised?

To deliver those in need?

The child who remains faithful

Shall have victory indeed.

So many times I fail and falter,

Times when the blows seem severe,

Yet this is the war of my Father,

He encourages: victor is near.

So with sword in my hand, 

I march on.

Ready to fight and to win,

In my heart, a victor's song,

Defeat the power of sin!

Free

I wish I could hide behind a mask.

Shake off that dreadful guilt

That is like poison before me.

I wish I could erase

A shameful memory, that past sin.

It fills me with regrets, and tears.

My life, my heart, my soul

Will never be the same again.

I asked the shadow to conceal it.

I have no glory in me.

But my Savior's blood has made me worthy.

My shame remains, but my ransom has been paid.

I've been set free.

photo: http://evedyahu.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/painting-set_free_preview.jpg

Beautiful Death

Beautiful Death. It seems like such an oxymoron, doesn't it? What's so beautiful about death? Where is the beauty in losing a loved one? In a rotting corpse? Or in life being reduced to nothing but grey ashes? Is not death a gruesome, vile, ugly thing? How can it be beautiful?


Death is but a doorway to eternity--the River we must cross to get to the other side. It's a journey--a brief journey that we're taking. Eternity is our destination. Death is the end of life here on this temporary earth, but it really is just the beginning of eternity. Death can both be beautiful and gruesome. It all depends on where you're going.


It bothers me to think about it sometimes. How so many people spend their lives here on earth, clinging to it as if they will have it forever. It's sad how many parents strive so hard to send their kids to prestigious schools, but do not give a thought to where they're all going when the sand in the hourglass runs out.


Many believe they're going UP...very few think they are going DOWN. The question is.. ARE YOU SURE? When we're really sick, we go to a doctor, ask him to exam us. We take several tests...X-Rays, MRI, CT Scans, various lab tests--just to BE SURE that we're going to be OK. Or at least, to make a diagnosis so we can take the necessary action to get better. But so few people spend time BEING SURE of where they will spend eternity. Are you sure that just because you're baptized, you're going UP? Are you sure that just because you were baptized, or go to church once a week, or you pay your taxes, or your NBI record is clean, you're going to the happy side of eternity? 


I don't want people to think I'm a heaven-bound big-head who looks pitifully on others. To be honest, I've asked these questions several times. Am I sure of where I will spend my eternity? The thing is, this mistake is too priceless to make. If we fail an exam, we can always retake it. If we make a wrong decision, even if we lose everything, there is always hope of recovery. But when we make a mistake in the direction we're going, we will pay for ETERNITY.


I don't know how to stress that word in a way that will make us think of it. And really ponder it. ETERNITY. NO END. FOREVER. What other word can I use? Can you imagine it? Something without end? SO imagine if we go the wrong direction. Go through the door that leads DOWN. What can we do about it? NOTHING.


So how can we know if we're really going UP? How can we know if we're going the right direction? How can we know if we're going to have a beautiful death? Well, we've been given the TRUTH, haven't we? It's just that we're so busy with this temporary world, we have no time to really search it out. Some people say that it's confusing how many truths there are. How can there be many? There's only ONE TRUTH. It's HIS WORD. Some say it's confusing. Some say it's difficult to study. Some say they have no time. Others think they already know enough. It just saddens me to think about it. It pays to know....just think about it. YOUR ETERNITY DEPENDS ON IT.